


Eleven Days, Fifteen Years

by Prism0467 (marley_station)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bisexuality, Explicit Language, F/M, Gen, Lemon, M/M, Other, Passion, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5378192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marley_station/pseuds/Prism0467
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road to happiness is paved with more pain and misery than we can know.  Happy Holidays 2015.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Versus Fear

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: hello all! It took me all damn year, but I finally finished another one. Un-beta'd; written with love. Happy Holidays!

Neji hesitated before opening the door.  He couldn’t decide it if was appropriate to be angry with the person he knew was standing on the other side, or happy that he was there at all.  It had been eleven days since he’d seen or heard from him.

 

He decided a combination of both would not be an affront to his dignity, willed himself to calm, reached for the doorknob and opened the door.

 

Shikamaru Nara stood there, staring.  Perhaps waiting.  Neji was never sure.  Neither man spoke.  They simply filled in the moments silently taking in the other’s presence.

 

Neji opened the door wider and stepped aside, a tacit invitation to enter.  Shikamaru accepted.

 

Neji closed the door and looked at Shikamaru.  He couldn’t help it.  He missed that face: those dark, beguiling eyes, smooth skin, alluring mouth.  Shikamaru’s hair was up, the way he liked to wear it.  Neji liked it down, around his face.  Shikamaru took it down for him, sometimes.

 

Neji missed the sound of Shikamaru’s voice as well.  Which one of them would be the first to speak, he wondered.  Neji needed to hear him.

 

Annoyed with their game of mutual silence, Neji walked away.

 

Shikamaru followed closely.  He reached for Neji’s arm.  Neji jerked his arm away, more from instinct than anything.  Shikamaru countered by repeating the move, this time with more force -- stopping Neji in his tracks.

 

Neji didn’t turn around.

 

Shikamaru moved closer to Neji, wrapped an arm around his waist, and pulled him back against him.  He buried his nose in Neji’s hair and inhaled deeply… ah Neji… it was good to be back here, but scary too.  He moved those long locks away from Neji’s neck and took a hearty whiff of Neji’s skin.  It was downright diabolical, what Neji reduced him to: needy, fiending.  It was nothing short of a miracle that he’d managed to keep away for a full eleven days.  It was agonizing to want what wasn’t good for him.  Now that it was there, in his embrace, filling up his senses, Shikamaru was sure it would destroy him.

 

Breathing quickly became labored.  Hearts raced.  Through no will of his own, Neji’s hand came up and caressed the arm that held him in place, molded against Shikamaru’s erection.  It was good to feel that skin and warmth beneath his fingertips… against his neck, in his hair...   _God dammit._

 

Neji turned, ready to speak, and quickly found his words beaten back by an eager and forceful mouth.

 

The moment quickly devolved to a frenzy of lips, tongues, teeth, and fingers as the two men desperately divested themselves and each other of their layers.  Within moments Neji was naked with his arms bracing him against one wall, his hair concealing his expression and muting his grunts as Shikamaru used his mouth and fingers on him from behind.  He trembled.  It was madness, the two of them.  There wasn’t a better word for what was happening to them.  Neji couldn’t fight it, and despite any better judgment, didn’t want to.

 

He wanted Shikamaru.

 

It hadn’t started out that way.  Not for either of them.  But the more time they spent together, the more things they did with each other, the more the explanation made sense.  Neji wanting Shikamaru wasn’t good, in Neji’s opinion. Neji had an uncanny knack for bringing out the worst in his suitors.  It seemed to be a superpower that Neji couldn’t figure out how to shut off.  After so many bizarre relationships, he thought it best to give up on “dating”. Shikamaru had always been close, had always been a friend.  And more -- a safe haven for Neji’s more intimate needs.  Neji cherished his friendships; they were important to him.  He felt as long as Shikamaru remained a “friend” that he wouldn’t lose him. So, despite Shikamaru being everything he could need or want in a boyfriend, Neji held out.

 

And then something happened one night.  Their mutual friend Shino casually referred to Neji and Shikamaru as a couple.  Casually, as though it were common knowledge what they did with each other when no one else was around.  As though it were no big deal.  Neji corrected his friend in a way that belied the panic that had immediately seized him.   _We’re better as friends,_ he spoke aloud.

 

For a denial it was off the Bullshit-meter, especially when Neji declared that Shikamaru agreed with him.  It seemed to have been Shikamaru’s tipping point.  He got up and left.

 

Neji didn’t follow him, which then upset Shino.   _He’s my friend too, Neji. Can you not see his feelings are hurt?_  With a curt goodnight Shino went after Shikamaru, leaving an anxious Neji behind.

 

Shino phoned him later that night.   _You two are cursed,_ he told Neji.   _Shikamaru wants to be with you so much he can’t stand himself, and after all this time, you are just going to toss him away.  Can you imagine a day when you weren’t more than a phone call or text message apart since you became friends?  Now try to imagine the rest of your life without him..._

Wait.   _The rest of his life?_

 

In the past eleven days since Shino’s call, Neji could do little else.  And it stung.  And he was desperate to somehow make things right with Shikamaru, but the man had turned off his phone and taken an impromptu trip.  To where, Neji didn’t know.  And if anyone else knew, they weren’t telling.

 

What Neji did know was that he wanted Shikamaru, needed him.

 

And was hurting without him.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The man in question stood behind Neji on shaky legs, breathing heavily.  He gathered Neji’s long hair and draped it over one of Neji’s shoulders.  Without speaking a word, Shikamaru positioned a bare and burgeoning erection at Neji’s saliva-slicked hole and pushed inside.

 

The force of it cleared the air from Neji’s lungs. He exhaled sharply, eyes wide, while fingers sought purchase from a wall that could not provide.  Meanwhile Shikamaru grabbed Neji’s hips in both hands and pulled his punctured end away from the wall into an agreeable arch.  

 

And waited.

 

Eyes now squeezed tightly shut, body tensed, and blood rushing loudly in his ears, Neji soon realized his lover wasn’t moving.  He turned his head, enough that Shikamaru would be able to see it, and nodded before turning back.  He didn’t want  Shikamaru to be able to see him grimacing in pain.  He thought it might make him stop.

 

Neji didn’t want Shikamaru to stop.

 

As for Shikamaru, he didn’t waste any time.  With a firm grip on Neji’s hips, he vented his frustrations.  Neji cried out sharply.  Good.  If Shikamaru couldn’t make Neji take them seriously, he could at least make Neji feel how strung out he was on him.  And damned if Shikamaru wasn’t strung out, too: he couldn’t get enough of Neji’s scent, or the shocked and aroused noises he made, or the way Neji pounded and scratched the wall, or Neji’s tightness clutching him.  Eventually they established a rhythm, and Neji was meeting him stroke for stroke, their breathing mutually labored, their bodies dripping with sweat.  Shikamaru grunted, growled, moaned, and swore as his passion increased.  He was going to come, and bring Neji with him.  After that, he didn’t know.

 

Shikamaru doubled down on his movements, aggressively working them toward release.

 

And Neji broke.

 

“Ah! Shikamaru, god dammit, so good”, he slurred as he stroked himself.  “Fuck, so good, so close, don’t stop _please_ …”

 

Shikamaru didn’t.  Moments later, they came together, their cries, gasps and hisses of completion coloring the air in the room as Neji erupted while Shikamaru released himself deeply inside him.

 

Moments later a lightheaded Neji lay on his stomach in his bed as Shikamaru attended the cum leaking from his hole, feeling relieved on multiple levels.

 

Shikamaru finally broke his silence with an actual sentence.  “Do you remember the first time we kissed?” he asked in a quiet voice.

 

“Mm”, Neji responded.  “You made dinner for us one night, and stole a kiss from me.”

 

“Well, you’re half right”, Shikamaru corrected him as he gently dried his backside with a towel.  “ _You_ stole the kiss from _me_.”

 

“I did?”

 

“Neji, up to that point we were platonic.  There was no touching.  You crossed the boundary first.”

 

“But why would I do that?” Neji thought aloud.

 

“I don’t know”, Shikamaru answered.

 

Long moments of silence followed before Neji realized his lover was waiting for an answer.  One that Neji didn’t have.

 

Neji made a failed attempt to turn over, so that he could look his lover in the eyes.  “Shikamaru -- “

 

Just then, Shikamaru rose from the bed where he sat naked, and walked toward the bedroom door.

 

“Wait!” Neji called out.  “Where are you going?”

 

“To get my clothes.”

 

“Shikamaru, don’t be like this.  Look, I can’t give you an answer right this min--”

 

“Why the hell not?  It’s been eleven days, Neji.  Eleven hellish days.  Even I’ve taken time to speculate as to why you’d let me do what I do with you and then deny me your heart.”

 

Shikamaru walked through the open door and down the hall.

 

Shikamaru was leaving.  Again. “Shikamaru I don’t want you to go!” Neji shouted after him.  He needed to get up.  He moved gingerly, mindful of his still-sore body.  He got out of bed and headed out of the bedroom to find Shikamaru.  He didn’t have to go far; Shikamaru stood in the hallway, fully dressed, holding Neji’s clothes.

 

“Looking for these?” Shikamaru asked.

 

Neji bit his lip.  “I’m looking for _you_.  Shikamaru don’t go.”

 

“Then give me a reason to stay.”

 

Neji continued biting his lip.  He knew what the moment called for.  But he was hedging.  

 

He was choking.

 

“If I give you what I know you want, I’ll lose my friend.”

 

Shikamaru made a face.  “Are you fucking kidding me?  I’ve put up with this farce this entire time up to now and you didn’t lose your friend.  You can’t give me this one thing?”

 

Shikamaru’s words stung.  “It’s one _big_ thing, Shikamaru! And you know me.  We’ve talked about this.  At length.  You’d grow to despise me as soon as we officially declared ourselves -- “

 

“What the fuck would I have to put up with afterward that I haven’t been putting up with all this time?”

 

“I know you don’t think so, but it would change things--”

 

“Then forget it”, Shikamaru declared, shoving Neji’s clothing at him, hating the fact that he’d lost.  “I can’t spend another day with you pretending. It hurts too much.”

 

“You don’t think I’m hurting too?” Neji asked as Shikamaru turned away.  “I was counting those days apart as well, wondering where you were, wondering how to say what I needed to when we saw each other again.”

 

Shikamaru stood still, his back to Neji.

 

“I’ve never been good at relationships.  Boyfriends, girlfriends, it didn’t matter.  They all love what I am on paper but resent me in practice.  I don’t know how to be anything except what I am.  I don’t want to feel like I have to apologize for that anymore.”

 

“I know all that”, Shikamaru responded in a low voice.  “It’s like you said, we’ve discussed all this.”  He turned to a naked Neji clutching his clothing to his chest like a stuffed animal.  “Take this next step with me, and I promise you’ll never have to feel like that again.”

 

It was a vow you heard once in your lifetime -- if you were lucky.  And it sounded _so good_ coming from Shikamaru.

 

If only Neji could.

 

“I can’t, Shikamaru.  I need the guarantee I get from knowing that the men and women in my life are friends, relatives, colleagues, classmates -- anything but lovers.  Lovers always grow to hate me, and then they leave me alone.”

 

“So when you kissed me that night, and I asked you if you were in the habit of stealing kisses from Shino or Naruto or Chouji or Lee--”

 

“I told you I wasn’t”, Neji answered.  “It was the truth.  It still is.”

 

“What made me different from your other friends?  What made it okay to cross that line, to do the things you’ve done with me, but not with the others?”

 

“Say it!” Shikamaru shouted when Neji didn’t answer.

 

“It wasn’t”, Neji confessed.  “If I had any genuine respect for our friendship I wouldn’t have let it happen.  And none of the things that happened afterward either.”

 

Neji looked at Shikamaru with watery eyes.  “I’m a hypocrite.  And selfish.  And delusional, for thinking that none of our friends would catch on.”  Realizing they were at an impasse that meant Shikamaru was lost to him, he announced, “I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re absolutely right”, Shikamaru announced.  “About all of it, up to and including being a sorry mess of a man.”  A stunned Neji stood frozen in place as Shikamaru walked toward the front door of Neji’s apartment with sure strides.  

 

With his hand on the knob, Shikamaru had one more thing to say.

 

“I was happy when we were just friends, Neji.  And when you wanted more, I didn’t object.  I think I was already in love with you by then.  I was glad to know that someone as complicated as you are thought I was capable of fulfilling your need.  And when you kept coming back, I felt like the luckiest man alive.  But I’m just a man, Neji.  I can only endure so much.

 

Of all the people I’ve known, you’re the only one I’ve imagined being with for the rest of my life.”

 

Shikamaru turned the knob and opened the door.  “I’ll always love you, Neji.”

 

Neji didn’t hear the door close.  He was in shock.

 

It didn’t get any better after that.  Shikamaru cut off all contact with Neji. Within three months, he had taken a job in another region and moved away.  Their mutual friends were on hand to comfort Neji, which was good.  He thought the pain of losing the man he loved -- yes, he finally grew the set necessary to admit that to himself, at least -- would consume him.  It nearly did, more than once.

  
  


**ELEVEN YEARS LATER…**

  
  


“What are you afraid of?” Neji asked his cousin Hanabi.

 

“I’m not good at being dumped”, Hanabi pouted, her arms folded across her chest.  “It’s already happened once.  That was one time too many.”

 

“You’re young”, Neji told her as he prepared his tea.  “I’ve got news for you, it will happen again.”

 

“Not if I’m always the one doing the dumping.”

 

“Why would you deliberately put someone through such a horrible experience?”

 

“What’s the alternative?  I want to date, just not get dumped.”

 

Neji gently placed his tea cup on its saucer.  “Oh grow up!” he vented in a voice that caused his younger cousin to start.  “Who do you think you are, that you’re above being dumped?  Believe it or not, there are worse things in life.  Do you honestly want to be a person who uses people for her enjoyment then tosses them away like paper napkins?  That isn’t the Hanabi who was raised in this family.”

 

“It wasn’t how you were raised either Neji, but I bet it didn’t stop you from pulling the same ‘horrible’ stunt.” Hanabi stood up then, placing her hands on her hips.  “Who do you think you are, to judge me?”

 

“Someone who had to learn that lesson the hard way. Listen to me, Hanabi.  While you’re strategically doing the dumping to protect your heart, you’re risking the loss of someone who would move Heaven and Earth for you.  Other fish in the sea, my ass --there’s no substitute in the world for someone like that.”

 

Neji gently sat her back down with a hand on each of her shoulders, and sat down next to her. “You’re right.  I did it too.  It was a mistake that I pay for every day of my life.  When you know you’ve allowed the best thing ever to slip through your fingers, you don’t really recover -- from the memories, or the guilt, and especially not from the pain.  It stays with you, no matter how many really good replacement memories it gets buried under.”

 

Neji sighed deeply.  “Every day, no matter how good my life is, it becomes a little clearer to me how big a mistake I made.”

 

“Wow”, was all Hanabi could say.  She’d never heard her ultra-conservative cousin speak so bluntly about making a mistake.  “Who was she?”

 

Neji smiled.   _“His_ name was Shikamaru Nara.”

 

“I see”, Hanabi responded with a smile.  She knew her cousin dabbled on both sides of the fence -- when he dabbled.  She’d never actually seen him with dates, just his circle of friends and family.  Could this Shikamaru be the reason why?  “You really don’t think you’ll ever see him again?”

 

“I’m counting on it”, Neji surprised her by responding.  “I don’t deserve another opportunity to mess up his life.  He’s a good man who deserves better than me.

 

Hanabi, life is pain, but there’s still good to be had.  If you give control of your life to your fear, then all you will know is the pain of loneliness.  That’s worse than being dumped.  I speak from experience.”

 

Hanabi had honestly never seen her cousin act so... human.  He always seemed to have it together.  She couldn’t wait to tell her sister Hinata about their conversation!

 

“Thanks for listening to me, and confiding in me”, she told Neji, and meant it.

 

“Likewise”, Neji responded with a modest smile.

 

Hanabi pulled him into a hug.  At that moment, it seemed like the right thing to do.

 

It felt like it too.


	2. The Winner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to happiness is paved with more pain and misery than we can know. Happy Holidays 2015.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: hello all! It took me all damn year, but I finally finished another one. Un-beta'd; written with love. Happy Holidays!

**FOUR YEARS LATER…**

  
  


Neji sat in a corner with his friend Naruto, nursing a drink as he watched his excited cousin and her fiance on the other side of the room.  The engagement of Hanabi and Konohamaru Sarutobi had been encouraged by the elders of the Hyuuga and Sarutobi families since the two were children. A marriage didn’t seem likely at first; ironically, it was their mutual distaste for high-society family protocol that brought them together.  While the cynic in Neji didn’t hold out hope that it would last, Konohamaru and Hanabi were together now, and seemed to be happy.  Neji loved his cousin and would support her no matter what.

 

“Look at them, Nej”, Naruto remarked.  “Our kids have finally grown up.”

 

Neji looked at his blond friend with one brow raised.  “Naruto, Konohamaru is almost 31 years old.  I know they are younger than we are but that’s pushing it, don’t you think?”

 

Naruto pretended to wipe tears from his eyes.  “I can’t help it”, he said with a mock sniffle.  Neji rolled his eyes and shook his head at his friend’s antics.  “They do look good together”, he couldn’t help but remark.  Hanabi’s bright-eyed, delicate frame seemed to fit perfectly against Konohamaru’s full bearded, broad-shouldered form.  The young Sarutobi seemed to understand that as well; he always appeared to be shielding Hanabi, a trait Neji found endearing.

 

“Right now I can’t think of a better match for Konohamaru”, Naruto inserted in his normal voice.

 

“What about what’s-her-name?” Neji asked.

 

“Who? Moegi? Good gracious no”, Naruto responded.  “She is the very definition of a slow-motion train wreck.  And she’s dating Inari, so now they’re a slow-motion, two-train, head-on collision.”

 

Neji chuckled.  “I thought you liked Inari”, he remarked.

 

“Sure.  Inari’s like my kid brother, same as Konohamaru.  But that guy was _always_ a flake.  He puts Snot-nosed Udon to shame.”

 

“Is it any wonder?” Neji countered.  “They all spent their childhood trying to imitate you.  Frankly it’s a wonder Konohamaru turned out as well as he did.”

 

While Naruto did his best rendition of a raspberry song in response to Neji’s comment, Hinata walked over.  She bent down, whispered something into Naruto’s ear, and with barely a glance at Neji, turned and walked away.

 

Neji watched his cousin with a frown.  “What’s with her?” he asked.

 

Naruto placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder.  “You need to come with me.”

 

With brows furrowed, Neji rose from his seat, silently following his friend.   _What the hell?_

 

Short moments later, he got an answer that nearly stopped his heart.

 

“Pretty sure you two know each other”, Naruto teased with a wink. “Be nice,” he advised as he made his exit.

 

An anxious Neji shifted his eyes around the room.  He thought he might have been hallucinating. There were round tables and empty chairs everywhere. Soft lighting from chandeliers gave the room a caressing glow.    There were just the two of them there.

 

Neji and Shikamaru.  

 

“It’s been a long time.”  Shikamaru was the first to speak.  Neji’s heart flooded with memories of that voice.  He shifted his eyes around the room again.  He wanted to sit down.

 

“Fifteen years”, Neji responded instead.  Candidly, it had been fourteen years, eleven months and twenty-four days.  Neji always knew, even when he was flustered.

 

“How have you been?”  Shikamaru asked.

 

Neji forced himself to look at Shikamaru, who stood with his hands behind his back and wearing a black suit, red tie and glasses.   _What is he doing with his hands?  Does he have a gun?  Is that why he’s wearing a black suit instead of a tux?  And when did he start wearing glasses?_

_Is this an assassination?_

 

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again”, Neji heard himself say.  It was a strangely appropriate response to Shikamaru’s question, even if Neji hadn’t intended it to be.

 

“Likewise”, Shikamaru responded.  “But here we are.”

 

“Did -- did you send for me?”

 

“Yes.  I... have something I need to say to you.”

 

Neji blinked, nodded, then braced himself.  He knew well that time didn’t heal all wounds as efficiently as others.  He was anything but ready, but it was all the same.  He supposed he had it coming.

 

Shikamaru sighed.  “I had this all planned out until I saw you.  Now the words are all gone.”

 

Neji’s eyes flashed.  Fifteen years and Shikamaru could still turn Neji to mush with a single sentence. He wanted to sit down, to keep from having his legs give out in front of Shikamaru.  He managed, somehow, to remain vertical.

 

“I figured you’d be here tonight”, Shikamaru continued.  “I had my suit dry-cleaned.  I wanted to look good when we saw each other again.  To impress you.”

 

Neji swallowed.  Shikamaru’s words were killing him -- again.  “Why?” he asked, his voice barely something he recognized.

 

“I knew you’d be impressive.  You always were.  I knew that time would make you more--”

 

“Stop!” Neji interjected.  He couldn’t endure another adoring word.  “Why have you called me here, Shikamaru?”

 

Shikamaru moved his hands from behind his back to slip them into his pockets.  Neji noted the lack of a weapon.  Not that Shikamaru needed anything other than that mouth of his.  Neji was feeling a brand-new kind of pain at that moment.

 

“To tell you I forgive you”, Shikamaru answered.  “And to ask forgiveness of you.  And to ask you…” Shikamaru sighed. “To ask, how much time passed before you came to terms with your fear?”

 

Neji was dumbstruck.  He hadn’t expected to hear what he’d just heard.  Shikamaru was asking forgiveness?  Neji was encouraged.  Shikamaru seemed to be feeling some of what he was feeling: apprehension, anxiety, uncertainty.  But it also made Neji sad.  He didn’t want Shikamaru to hurt anymore, not on his account.

 

“Thank you”, Neji responded.  “And I forgive you because you asked if I would, not because I think you’re at fault.  Now tell me”, Neji concluded, “why did you ask that last question?”

 

Shikamaru looked down, shifted on his feet, and fiddled with coins that jingled inside his pocket.  “Neji… I had a hard time... adjusting, after I moved away.  I tried to have the closest thing to a normal life as possible.  I failed.”

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

Shikamaru sighed.  “Because after you I wouldn’t let anyone get close anymore.  I couldn’t.  I mean I tried.  I... even got married.”

 

“Married?”  Neji was stunned.  He hadn’t heard anything, even though he occasionally stalked Shikamaru on the Internet.  They still had mutual friends.  Had any of them known?

 

“Yeah.  It didn’t last long.”  Shikamaru looked Neji in the eyes then.  “My heart wasn’t in it.”

 

 _Oh my god._  “I’m sorry to hear that”, Neji told him, and meant it.  “I’m sure she was lovely.”

 

“She was a Harpy”, Shikamaru volunteered. “I must have been out of my mind.”  he chuckled, a sound that was music to Neji’s ears.

 

Neji grinned at the attempt to lighten the mood.  “You seem to have survived it, though”, he complimented.

 

“Barely.”  Shikamaru stepped toward Neji, whose heart was already rattling his chest.  One step, two steps. Then he stopped, and Neji felt relief.  “I have to confess, for a ‘sorry mess of a man’, you set a standard that should have been easier to exceed than it’s actually been”, Shikamaru told him.  “The past fifteen years have presented me with quite an education.”

 

Neji imitated Shikamaru, placing his hands into his pockets, then stepping forward.  One step, two steps.  Then he stopped. “It seems the past fifteen years has had a lot to teach us both.”  He grinned again.

 

This time it was Shikamaru who imitated Neji’s grin.  “Yeah, well… I learned that fear of letting people in is a real thing, and hard one to overcome.  It made it easier for me to understand where you were coming from all those years ago.  But it also made me wonder who won your heart before I came along.”

 

 _Who?  What? Shit._  Here was the ambush Neji had been anticipating from the beginning.  He wanted to dodge the conversation, to change the subject.  But Shikamaru deserved better than that.  He deserved real answers.

 

Neji swallowed, then dove in. “Do you remember the Uchiha family?” he asked.

 

“Sure”, Shikamaru answered.  “There was asshole-Sasuke and his older brother.”

 

“Itachi”, Neji supplied.  “The older, more sophisticated version of Sasuke, or so I hoped.  I pursued him with youthful abandon.  He was quite entertained by it until he got bored with me. It barely lasted one month.”

 

Neji stepped forward again.  “After the mess with Itachi, I got involved with Tenten.”

 

Shikamaru’s eyes grew wide.  “You and Tenten?”

 

“She made me promise not to tell our friends”, Neji responded.  “And I haven’t until now.  Tenten was unpredictable, and I let myself go where she led as best I could.  It wasn’t long before I realized I’d have to be someone different to stay in a relationship with her.  She had more trouble adjusting to me than I expected, and that’s saying something.”  Neji shook his head.  “She isn’t very nice when she isn’t happy.”

 

“How did Tenten manage to keep that a secret from all of us?” Shikamaru thought out loud.

 

“I don’t know but I’m glad she did.  I would have preferred you hear my confession before hers.”

 

Neji stepped forward again.  He was almost within arm’s length of Shikamaru.  “You felt right”, he continued.  “It felt right with you.  That’s what made you different from our friends.  Itachi was aloof.  You were sweet.  Tenten was led by her emotions.  You’ve always been a strategist, thinking first, calculating your moves in favor of the best outcome.  Here I was friends with this man, this beautiful, intelligent, sweet man.  And when you didn’t shy away from my physical advances… I figured if someone as bright as you didn’t reject me that it must be okay.  I didn’t understand it at the time, but I thought our friendship would be strong enough to survive my hypocrisy.”

 

Neji stepped forward once more.  “You asked me all those years ago.  The answer I gave you then was…” _a cop-out._  He extended his hand, palm up, as if offering something to Shikamaru. “There is your answer.”

 

Neji returned his hand to his pocket as he watched Shikamaru, trying to gauge his expressions. He wanted to reach for him.  It bothered Neji that he was so eager to transgress the fifteen years of emotional border fence that stood between them, but he couldn’t help himself.  Time had done little to assuage his want, need, and love for Shikamaru.

 

For the first time in a long while, he found himself at a loss for what to do.

 

“I wasn’t your only beautiful, intelligent, sweet friend”, Shikamaru spoke quietly.  “There was Shino--”

 

“None of our friends turned me on the way you did, Shikamaru”, Neji interjected.  “It felt mutual.”

 

“It was.”

 

Neji furrowed his brows, bit his lip, and looked away.  “I’m sorry for not treasuring you the way you deserved to be.  I was a fool.”

 

A tense silence followed.

 

“If you had it to do all over again, would you change anything?”

 

Neji looked up, his eyes wide. He wasn’t sure he’d heard what he did.

 

“Just answer the question, Neji”, Shikamaru urged, and Neji knew he’d heard right.

 

“Shikamaru, I can’t just… look… yes and no”, Neji settled on, watching him closely.  “No because… without that harsh lesson we might not all be here tonight.  Hanabi might have missed out on Konohamaru if it weren’t for you.”

 

“What does that mean?” Shikamaru asked.

 

“It means all lessons have purpose, I suppose.  Hanabi’s behavior at one point was too much like my own for comfort.  I urged her to change her ways to avoid making the same mistake I did.  Loving and allowing ourselves to be loved -- it’s hard, Shikamaru.  It takes a lot of work.”

 

Shikamaru’s eyes were wide.  Neji continued.

 

“And yes, because… I would cherish you the way you did me.  I would work harder to understand my feelings before allowing my fear to drive you away.”

 

Shikamaru stepped forward this time, placing them within arm’s length of each other.  “Do you mean that?”

 

Neji nodded.  “Shikamaru, I didn’t realize I was in love with you too until you were long gone.  That’s how much of a dope I was.  Because I never really got over that fear”, he confessed, shaking his head.  “You asked me that question before.  There is your answer.”

 

Neji watched Shikamaru, who seemed to be taking in what he’d been told.  “I guess time isn’t finished teaching us things, is it?” Neji asked.

 

Shikamaru shook his head and grinned.  Neji grinned back.

 

“Do you think there’s a chance we could go back to being friends?”  

 

It was a daring thing to do.  Mending fences wasn’t exactly Neji’s bailiwick, never mind the fact that he didn’t deserve a friend like Shikamaru.  But Neji was done guarding his heart against the man.  He loved him, and wanted them to be part of each other’s lives again.  Maybe they couldn’t be what they’d once been to each other. But they could be something.  He extended his hand to shake on it.

 

“I don’t want to _go back_ to being anything with you Neji.” Before Neji could react, Shikamaru added, “I like to think we can be better friends for each other now than we were as teenagers.”

 

Neji smiled so hard he thought his face would crack.  Shikamaru took his hand.  “Deal?”

 

Neji wasn’t going to think about how good it felt to be touching Shikamaru again.  “Deal”, he agreed.  They shook on it, watched each other, then looked away coyly.

 

“Deal!” another voice shouted.  Both men looked in the direction of the voice to find a flash going off in their faces.

 

Behind the smartphone camera was Naruto, along with Hinata, Shino, Lee, Chouji, and Kiba.  “I told you you wouldn’t need flash in here, Naru.”

 

“Pipe down, Kiba.”

 

“Here, I’ll use my camera.”

 

“Hurry up, before one of them realizes they’re still holding hands!”

 

 _Shit!_ Neji’s first instinct was to yank his hand away, but instead, asked, “should we give them a proper pose?”

 

Shikamaru smiled.  “Let’s.”

 

They posed with bodies turned inward toward each other, outer hands in pockets, inner arms at their sides, and smiling brightly.  “Can we hurry this up?  I’m overdue for a drink”, Shikamaru asked.

 

As shutters went off, everyone laughed.

  



End file.
